Chapter 3: After They Leave

Jennifer and Derek leave twenty minutes later and the sushi is still on the counter, mostly untouched, and I put it in the refrigerator and rinse the wine glasses and Derek's Pellegrino bottle is still full and sitting on the coffee table and I pick it up and throw it in the trash.

I stand at the bottom of the stairs and I can hear music coming from Chloe's room. Something with heavy bass and lyrics I can't make out. I think about going up there. I think about knocking on her door. I think about what I would say if she let me in.

I go back to the kitchen and pour another glass of Sancerre and sit at the counter and open my laptop and there are more emails and I don't read them and I open Netflix and scroll through options and nothing looks interesting and I close the laptop.

My phone buzzes. It's a text from Jennifer.

"Thank you for trying," it says.

I don't respond.

Another text: "She's staying with you this weekend. I'll drop off her bag tomorrow."

I type "okay" and then delete it and type "fine" and send it.

The music upstairs gets louder and then suddenly stops and I hear footsteps and Chloe appears at the top of the stairs and she's wearing different clothes now, sweatpants and a t-shirt that I think might be one of mine from college, and she comes down slowly and walks into the kitchen and opens the refrigerator.

"There's sushi," I say.

"I know," she says. She takes out the container of edamame and a LaCroix and sits at the counter across from me.

We don't say anything. She eats edamame. I drink wine. The house is very quiet.

"He seems nice," I say finally.

"Don't," Chloe says.

"Don't what."

"Don't do that thing where you pretend everything is fine."

I put down my wine glass. "What thing."

"The thing you always do. The thing where you act like nothing bothers you and everything is just whatever and you're so cool and detached and above it all."

"I don't do that."

"You're literally doing it right now."

I look at her and she's looking back at me and her eyes are wet and I realize she's crying and I don't know when that started.

"Hey," I say and I stand up and walk around the counter and I don't know what to do and I reach out and put my hand on her shoulder and she doesn't pull away but she doesn't move toward me either.

"I hate this," she says.

"I know."

"I hate that you guys aren't together and I hate that Mom has Derek and I hate that you live here now and I hate my room here and I hate that everyone acts like this is all normal and okay."

"It's not okay," I say.

She looks up at me. "What."

"It's not okay. None of this is okay. Your mom and I shouldn't have split up the way we did and we shouldn't have put you in the middle of it and I shouldn't have moved out and I shouldn't have bought this house that you hate and I'm sorry."

She wipes her eyes with her sleeve. "You never say you're sorry."

"I know," I say. "I should. I should say it more."

She leans against me slightly and I put my arm around her and we stand there in the kitchen and neither of us moves and I can feel her breathing and I try to remember the last time I held her like this and I can't.

"Can I stay here this weekend," she says into my shoulder.

"Of course," I say.

"Can we not talk about Mom or Derek or any of it."

"Okay."

"Can we just watch something stupid and eat ice cream or something."

"Yeah," I say. "We can do that."

She pulls away and looks at me and she's stopped crying and she almost smiles. "Do you even have ice cream."

"No," I say. "But we can get some."

"Okay," she says.

I grab my keys and my phone and we get in the Audi and drive to Whole Foods and the store is bright and almost empty and we walk through the aisles and Chloe picks out Ben & Jerry's Half Baked and I get a pint of Talenti Sea Salt Caramel and we also get popcorn and candy and LaCroix and at the register the woman smiles at us and says "father-daughter night" and Chloe doesn't correct her and neither do I.